You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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