her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize