I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
