you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
