Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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