conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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