Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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