I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
