Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How's work?
Spinning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize