Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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