im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
