What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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