i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
