Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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