my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love having hate sex.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
