saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
