He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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