A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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