The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
