sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
