Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
