btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
