I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
