yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
