Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
