you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize