Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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