remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We got so high we made milksteak
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
