That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
