Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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