Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
