I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
