I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
