ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
