is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
