Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
