he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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