When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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