I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I can text with my tongue
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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