His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
