stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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