You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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