Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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