there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
