oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
