is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
