dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
