I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
