Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
