my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
