Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
