There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize