I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
