You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm really busy with my period
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