Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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