He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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