Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
