Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize