I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize