Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
