The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
