If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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