They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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