I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
