i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
